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I remember

Updated: Sep 3, 2020

My thoughts are being directed towards an “I remember” outlook today. They are encouraging me this morning, which shows so much change from harder times that “I remember.” They are telling me that I am doing awesome. I also keep reflecting on the idea to not compare myself to anything else because God has me exactly where I am supposed to be. Slow down, take it easy, your doing fine… It’s all part of a process, trust the process, the process is where you grow. "I remember" being dope sick, a slave to heroine and crack-cocaine. "I remember” there was a time I told myself I couldn’t achieve anything, especially a week of sobriety. “ I remember” there was a time I couldn’t sustain a job. “I remember” not having a vehicle, a place to call home, or money for food. “I remember” being so caught up in myself that I never went out my way to help anyone. " I remember" when my family had to distance themselves for their own good. “I remember” feeling overwhelmed with depression and anxiety while in isolation because I had no network and it caused me to freeze followed by thoughts saying, "give up",“ I can’t”, "end it all" and “I will never be anything.” BUT Today I have freedom. Due to a spiritual connection, I have a choice to use or to not use. My family talks to me daily and I have been able to prove myself through action. I have a changed mindset to view challenges as an area to grow. I can keep a job that God blessed me with and that I love to progress in. My selfishness has been transformed into a life of service. God has blessed me with a vehicle that I just paid off, a beautiful home, and enough money for food to sustain weightlifting gains LOL. One of the biggest, is that “I cant remember” the last time I fell into a deep depression because I have prayer and a network of people God put in my life that has defended me from this. My anxieties and tightness in my chest that brought an “impending doom” feeling, has almost gone away completely through remaining in faith over a period of time. Today, I know that I already am something in the eyes of the creator. Today, I know that “I can” be something great because of my reliance on God. Today, I am grateful that I trusted God to show up in every aspect of my life. “I remember” when the life I wanted was far less than I have now but I don't question how…crazy how God works.

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