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State of Mind

At a certain point in recovery I started to feel like I had a new conscious and state of mind. This relates to my spiritual awakenings which I was sort of confused about In the beginning. I believe that in my own personal experience I have had several. I view them as small sparks that accumulate to an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. These sparks were sort of like my awareness firing. When they accumulate it causes a change in my consciousness which has given me a lasting feeling of joy. Joy has not been full of happiness either because I was told that happiness is just based off of happenings that occur which excite you. Joy is experiencing peace even through turmoil. It comes from the change of heart that provides love and peace. This spiritual awareness has gifted me with the ability to “play the tape through” which is a coping skill of DBT but I was not able to do so prior to this experience. I also believe this can progress and awareness has no limit. It is contingent on our daily devotion to what got us this far and constantly seeking. For me, this means I cant rest on my previous accomplishments. I have to continuously grow in a spiritual realm that is endless . It might sound crazy but I feel like I am living in a different dimension sometimes. This could be due to my previous experience but regardless, I love it! My past cannot define me but what I do with it can assist my new identity. I always tried to figure out who I was but this awareness with a “new state of consciousness and being” has made it clear.

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